


Ways Out of a Drug Test

by Anonymous



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Inspired by Euphoria (TV 2019), Morality | Patton Sanders is Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders' Parent, Recreational Drug Use, Single Parent Morality | Patton Sanders, past overdose, remus is a druggie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:27:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24383554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Just a Euphoria AU one shot where Remus is Rue because I wanted and needed to see this.If there are tags I didn't add and you think I should, please tell me!
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, October | Toby Sanders/December Sanders, mentioned Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Creativity | Roman "Princy" Sanders
Comments: 5
Kudos: 11
Collections: Anonymous





	Ways Out of a Drug Test

As Remus rides up to the apartment, he notices his dad's car parked out front.   
"Fuck"  
Remus quickly locks up his bike to his favorite tree and goes inside. 

Patton is waiting for him in the kitchen.   
"Where were you?" 

Remus stands silently for a moment, "I went to eat."

Patton sighs and pinches his forehead, "I don't trust you, Remus."

Remus glares lightly, "what do you want me to say?" 

Patton looks up at him, "I want to drug test you."

Remus begins to internally panic. "Well.. Unfortunately, I just peed."

Remus quickly begins walking down the hall to his room, Patton following quickly behind. From the opposite end of the hall, there are two other teens, one older, and the other the same age. Remus quickly slams his door and winces, falling onto his bed. 

"Do not slam your door, kiddo."   
"It was an accident!"   
"Well, you're not leaving this house until you take a drug test!"   
"Whatever! I've got nothing to hide!"

Remus listens silently as Patton walks away, waiting to push himself into action. The minute he was confident Patton was gone, he got up and started pacing.

Now there are a few ways to beat a drug test. The first is simple.   
Stop doing drugs.   
But if you're in a bind and totally fucked, you got a few options.   
Some better than others. 

Option one.   
Niacin. It's a b vitamin that, like breaks down chemicals or whatever. And if you take a lot of it, like two thousand milligrams and chug a few gallons of water, you can flush your system in two to three days. The only problem is, it has a few side effects.  
Skin flushing. Extreme dizziness. Vomiting. Rapid heart beat. And-  
Sometimes death.   
I don't recommend it, nor does any legitimate drug site on the Internet. 

Option two.   
Synthetic Urine.   
While it's very convincing, unfortunately, it costs way too fucking much.   
$89.99 + tax + s&h  
Yeah fucking right. 

Remus lays down trying to think of any other possibility, and on comes a grin. 

Option 3.   
Get a non addict friend to piss for you. 

Jackpot.

Remus climbs out of his window and runs. 

The only problem with our dear option 3 is most over the counter, home drug testing kits come with heat sensor strips hat detect the temperature of your urine. And if your parents watch you pee, you can't do the sink trick. 

So you gotta get it fresh. 

Remus shows up at Janus' house and knocks loudly.   
Janus opens with a 'why the fuck are you here?' face. 

"I need a favor from you"   
"I'm in the middle of dinner." Janus glares lightly.   
"Like, for real, Jan."   
Janus sighs and drags Remus in. 

The side effect of this option?

Remus stand awkwardly in front of Dec and Toby, Jan's parents.   
Decis obviously half drunk and in his typical bored malice, looks Remus over.   
"So Remus, how was rehab?" 

Remus forces a smile on his face, "it was really, really good."

Toby senses the tension and tries to bring it down a bit, "how long have you been back?" 

"Four days." 

As Janus comes back from the bathroom, Remus puts one hand behind his back. Janus covertly hands him a bottle of Ocean Mist nasal spray. Then in front of Dec and Toby, hands over a old eyeshadow palette Remus had left once. 

Remus grins. 

After running home, Remus puts on a longer skirt. He hikes up the skirt and carefully tapes it to his thigh where he knows he can quietly and quickly remove and replace it.   
He checks in the mirror and the skirt hides it. 

"Dad! I have to pee!" 

Patton hands him a sterilized cup as they walk to the bathroom. Remus looks at him with the fake honeysuckle smile that always got Patton. 

Remus fake tears up, " I wish we could do this in a way that isn't a complete invasion of my privacy. 

Patton sighs and shakes his head slightly, "you gave up your right to your privacy after you overdosed."

"That was a mistake."   
"Don't be flip, Remus. It's one of the most frightening things a father could witness."

Remus quietly motions for Patton to turn around, and he does, folding his arms. Remus quickly detaches the bottle and holds it low as he's sprays it in at the same speed his pee usually comes out. 

"Not to mention Virgil. Who completely adores you."   
"I know, Dad."   
"For him to have to find his little brother unconscious like that-" 

Remus starts to actually tear up, "Dad, please not now. I know a lot of you probably hate me right now, and I get it."

Remus finishes the bottle and quickly sticks it back to his thigh where he knew it would stay and adjusts the skirt before turning Patton around to give him the cup. 

"If I could be a different person, I promise you, I would." 

He smiles and puts the cup in Patton's hand before rushing out. 

**Author's Note:**

> If you think there are any other good scenes from Euphoria that would work with this character set up please comment! :)


End file.
